around the dinner table

I grew up.... um no - start over - still haven't grown up....

I was raised primarily by my single mom. There were a few years in there where I lived with my Aunt and Uncle - though not consecutively. Mostly I lived there in 4th grade and then portions of the Summer every year through High School. Except for the time I spent with my Aunt and Uncle, I lived in poverty and dysfunction. Dinner around the table didn't exist in my life with my mom. Not because she didn't want to - she just didn't have the energy or know how. She grew up in poverty and dsyfunction so that's all she knew. Subsequently I never learned much about the importance of the evening meal around the table.

Then I married a man who came from a family that ALWAYS had dinner at the table. In fact, I'd be willing to bet they had breakfast together too - something I don't think I've ever had in my entire life except for the time I spent the night with Kim and her mom fixed us all oatmeal before school the next day. And she complained about it!!! I thought it was incredible!!

Over the years I've vascilated in my consistency to make dinner. Once the boys moved out it just became too easy to let everyone (all 3 of us) get whatever sounded good and not have a formal meal. Darling Daughter rarely likes what we have for dinner anyway. Dear Husband doesn't eat vegetables and doesn't like soups or salads. So what's the point? Why bother to keep trying to fix meals when I'm the only one who really likes them anyway?

Ahhhhh indeed - if I could, I would only eat vegitarian meals with some chicken or ham thrown in every now and then. I would have LOTS of soups, salad every night, the occaisional casserole and would probably experiment with various recipes. But then - I'm dreaming.

But what about the family meal around the table? I'm realizing it really has very little to do with what we're eating. The boys have been home since late Tuesday night. They want home cooked meals - guess the Corps doesn't provide those. So I've cooked and nobody complained!!! Instead I've listened to conversations between my family, lots of laughter and the building of relationships that every mom dreams of. I've heard how important this time is but I guess I never really appreciated it like I do now. With us being in seperate parts of the world over the past couple years it's really made us grateful for the time we DO have together - especially dinner.

I strongly suggest it if you've never made it a priority. I know dinner just changed in our home... I hope I never worry about the food again and simply enjoy the bonding that takes place in spite of what we're eating (or like those who fight for their lives together become closer - maybe BECAUSE of what we're eating!!)

nurture vs nosey

I never really thought of it until recently....

I always thought that taking care of someone was just nurturing... (something every mother seems to come by naturally or at least should - and if not naturally then they should learn.)

But not so.

Last week I visited my dentist. THAT is a whole story all by itself because I really have a huge dental phobia thing going on that stems from 4th grade when my dad left, we moved across the country not once but twice, my whole world was in upheaval and I had my very first dental visit. (I know - the sentence was too long and actually so is this little rabbit trail but stick with me.) I'd never been to the dentist and when we got to California my aunt took one look at my teeth and knew it was time - so she made the appointment and away I went - to another new adventure which by now I was pretty sick of all the new adventures and this one proved to be just one more awful memory. I was terrified, which seemed to irritate the dental assistant - or maybe it was just that I was squeezing her hand to hard - what ever - she decided I needed to snap out of it so as I began to cry she slapped me and told me stop being such a baby. Well back then if you got in trouble "where ever" you got double when you got home so I never told and well now I need therapy.

ANYWAY - so I'm at the dentist's office - not the monster from 4th grade but a new dentist in an office I've been going to for years and years. Well as I come in the door the office manager tells me the computers are down and in fact, the whole server has crashed. If you know me you know I'm a computer person. So we exchange questions and answers and I head back to the patient room.

Folks - I'm leaving out ALL the details here in order to get to the point... just suffice it to say I set up the original network here, love the people who work in this office and know the guy who is now maintaining their network and have great respect for him. I KNOW I can reach him and give him a better picture of what is happening in this office. I KNOW I can help the office and alleviate some of their stress. REALLY - this isn't an opinion - this is fact!

So I get out my phone to call the computer guy - a very loving, nurturing kind of thing on my part. Or so I thought.

Then it hits me. Nobody asked me to do anything about this. It's really none of my business. This is not really me being nurturing and taking care of someone - it's me being nosy and getting in the middle of something that is just not my business. No matter how much I care about someone, if I'm not invited in, I don't belong.

I wonder how many times I've thought I was nurturing when all I was really doing was being nosy. I wonder how many toes I've stepped on doing that.... hmmmm. More room for grace.

Oh - and the new dentist - turns out he's a wonderful man who allows me to hum while he works on my teeth so I can escape to a far better place. If you need a good dentist I know where to find one!


I Thess 4:11

So who is really lying?

Well school is over for this semester. I am pleased with my grade and look forward to next semester but for now I'm LOVING the time to do things I meant to do more than 4 months ago!! Work is good. So is rest.

So I was "resting" on the couch yesterday watching TV with Catherine. I can't remember what we were watching but someone said "Stop, Drop and Roll." When the boys were little we toured 13 fire stations (or more - I quit counting) so I knew they would know what that phrase meant but I couldn't remember ever actually teaching it to Cali. So I asked - "Do you know what that means?"

Of course the 10 year old princess not only knew it but could articulate it better than any fire fighter with less than 15 years experience. I was impressed but couldn't pass up the chance to rock her world just a wee bit. I should have. It was *my* error. What was said absolutely leveled me.

Me: Where did you learn that? (I was secretly hoping I had done a great job and simply forgot - nope!)

Cali: Elmo. (some non person taught my daughter this!!!)

Me: He was lying. (OK - clearly this is where I went wrong. I thought I could throw her off track just a wee bit so I could then teach her some miniscule detail and then take credit for all of the obviously well learned lesson - nope again.)

Cali: And you're brunette.

when will i ever learn.....?

Why is it when you're in the process of - not just slightly sticking your foot in your mouth but SHOVING it in all the way up to your belly button - nobody stops you??!!!

Catherine is on the MJC swim team so you will find me pool side 4 days a week - well not really but theoretically. If it's been a terribly busy day and we don't have the energy - I will choose to not go claiming a mental health day. I probably should have done that today!!!

All the mom's sit at the end of the pool and what else would you expect - we TALK!!!!!!!! Today one of the mom's mentioned her oldest son is in the Army and is currently serving in Iraq. She asked about Evan's time in Iraq and without thinking I shared some of what he experienced.... painful PAINFUL things. I told about the guy who harassed Evan to the point I really thought he might kill the guy. I told about him losing half his unit in one day - drowning in the desert!!! I told about him having to pay for his uniforms, his kevlar, his gear - PAYING to protect our country!!! And more.

After going on for at least 15 minutes I stopped long enough to find out I was gnawing on my knee.... I asked "How long has your son been in Iraq?"

2 weeks.

TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE STOP ME????

I have her email address now. I'm the first member of her new prayer list. Her son is Army Infantry - pray for his safety - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Pray for me. I wonder if I'll ever learn to not talk so much.

the second day of the rest of my life

Does anyone else find it ironic that I haven't posted anything since starting school?

Nobody told me it would take so much of my time. Why is that? Is it just something the general population KNOWS? I guess I missed that piece of information.

I'm just really glad I'm only taking one class. And I'm glad I know what my priorities are. My house is still mostly in order. Dinner still happens - sometimes even regularly. Catherine is still progressing in school and not getting the left-overs of mom at the end of a hard day. Learning is still fun - for both of us. Dave and I like each other more now than ever before. I love this path, though not necessarily in that order.

I seem to have a "great parking spot" magnet too. I've only had to really look for a parking space once so far. Of course, having a tiny little car that fits into non-spaces helps. I know people hate that - driving past a spot at the curb and wishing they could squeeze in, then watching me do it. I'm sorry. ummmmm. Not. I'm actually sort of pitying I think. Is that bad? Is that even a word? Pity-ing - the act of having pity on one who drives a SUV. Ok - not in Websters.

We had our first of three tests this semester. I'll find out my score tomorrow. The teacher, now referred to as Becky because we chat often, asked if I was a "high achiever." I think that's code for obsessive compulsive. I said No - I think she knows I lied. I'm OK with a B. +. Or even an A-. I'll just try harder next time. Unless it takes time away from what really matters....

Speaking of what matters - Evan is coming home. (He's being stationed in Camp Pendleton down by San Diego.) Should be here some time this month. He won't tell me when because he really wants to SURPRISE me. Being the mom that I am and wanting him to succeed at all he tries, I had to tell him how to go about surprising me. Things like "I'll notice you're not on IM so start signing off now so I won't catch it." And "be sure you don't refer to what kind of work you're doing or your mom will be sure to figure out you're headed home when you're NOT referring to work." It's really hard to surprise me - I'll have to help him again.

We're in a routine... approaching the holiday season with incredible anticipation.... life is REALLY good. God is REALLY great. It's all about focus.



"Only heaven is better than to walk with Christ at midnight over moonless seas." Amy Carmichael - just had to share this - even if it doesn't seem to fit.



It's all about focus.


(PS - Just have to add this - I scored 79 out of a possible 75!! Extra credit earned in the study session Jeopardy game!)

the first day of the rest of my life

I've been considering this for so long.... I wonder if it's fear that has held me back and yet what is there to fear? (ummm - how about being too revealing? or maybe fear of ridicule? or worse yet - what if nobody reads this? worst of all - what if they DO???)

No matter. It's done and I'm here and it only seems right that this day, the first day of the rest of my life, I should begin a blog.

I went back to school today. It's the first time in 30 years that I've actually attended school. Not sure if I was actually anxious or just nervous. Even more so now....

The day went pretty great - found an EXCELLENT parking spot (I'll NEVER do that again - it was even FREE) right off the bat, arrived early enough to not stress over finding the class, even had time to stop at Starbucks on the way so I totally appeared calm while standing at the door, waiting to enter while sipping on a Chai latte. Nobody could know my heart was racing! I threw away half of the tea - it was hot and I was starting to perspire (girls never sweat) just from nerves - the hot tea was NOT helping!

The class is a Psych 101 class - and promises to be excellent... the Professor is a Christian not that Christians are any better or worse than anyone else (NOT going there right now.) It's just that it is important to me that I take this particular class from someone who has the same basic beliefs I have. The other teacher is an agnostic - more power to her. But I digress - ugggg - it's happening already.

But there will be homework - already there is reading and a quiz due on Wednesday. I spent most of the day buying the book (ever wait in college lines - register, drop the wait list class, add the class with the add card from the teacher, pay the fees, print the schedule, find the books, wait to pay - OMG it took 2 hours to do what should take only 10 minutes!!! But digression again...) so of course there isn't much time for homework tonight - and WHY would I do homework when I can sit here and pour out too much info to people who aren't there or likely don't care??? hmmmmm

So as nervous as I was at the beginning of the day, I'm no more assured now. I'm not as young as I once was.... not sure I was EVER good at studying - I never had to - things came so easy then. Now I will probably have to study and even then I'm not convinced I'll be able to do this. But it is soooo worth trying.

All that to say - it just feels like the first day of the rest of my life. I've started down a new path. I'm doing this for ME. It's a good thing. (my apologies to Martha - it works better here.)

And it's only the beginning.....