I went to lunch with a girlfriend yesterday. She is wondering whether she should remain in the relationship she has been in for the past 4 years. He used to tell her she looked nice and said the things we girls want to hear including "I love you." But that's all stopped. She isn't a priority in his life any more. He's busy with his life. She keeps busy but she misses him. And she misses hearing him declare his love for her.

So I told her that as much as I love my husband, he isn't very good at saying nice things to me. I can't remember the last time he said "I love you" without me saying it first. He doesn't affirm me with words very often and I don't think he's ever told me I'm pretty. He told me I looked nice a couple weeks ago without me asking, but it isn't something he's ever done with any regularity. "Guys just don't think like women"... it's what we say when we don't want to think about how bad it hurts. And yes, it hurts.

I admit - I WANT to be told I'm smart - in THOSE words. I WANT to be told I'm pretty - in THOSE words. I'd like to hear compliments and admiration in simple little sentences that don't need to be interpreted. And in fact, I know my husband admires me because of his confidence in me when he asks my opinion or asks me to do something for him. I know he likes how I look because of the way he looks at me. And I know he loves me because of his actions and so many other reasons. But words matter and hearing him say the words "I LOVE YOU" somehow just matters.

But I'm female, and I'm human, and I'm vulnerable to that little voice that would plant discontent in my heart and help me focus on what I DON'T hear.... Why is it so easy to believe our lives should read like a romance novel? It's just such a lie.

So I tell my friend if the relationship is based on hearing those things, end it now because she may never hear the words she longs to hear. If she can't be satisfied without his words, then don't keep going. She seemed somewhat alarmed with the idea.

So after lunch I'm home again... standing in the living room folding the fresh linens that are still warm from the dryer. And I hear His voice.

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you Lord!! Why is THAT a question?"

"Why don't you say it?"

"But Lord - I show my love with actions and so many other ways."

"But when do you say it? When do you ever simply say 'I love you' without Me saying it first?"

I was alone in the room but it wasn't to myself that I said it - out loud - "I love you!"

And suddenly my discontent disipates as I am affirmed and loved by my heavenly Father who will never fail me... and who loves me with an everlasting love. He knows me best - and loves me most - and it's more than enough.

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My new habit I'm trying to form.... to say "I love you" - the WORDS - every day to the One I love the most. I love saying it, I love hearing it and somehow it doesn't seem to matter if it's my own voice I hear saying it. You should try it - as weird as it sounds it's really so cool.