I hate conflict - really I do. Yet I seem to be foreced to deal with it regularly. At a young age (I thought I was old at the time but I was barely 30 - that's young now) a dear friend came into my life and one of her greatest influences on me was to teach me how to deal with conflict the way God wants us to - according to Matthew 18.
Yet I still hate conflict.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not willing to give up who I am or what I believe in order to avoid conflict but I do tend to keep my mouth shut more. But it happened again this week. I spoke up - simply mentioned that people were being invited to attend a meeting before the people who oversee the organization even knew they were responsible for the meeting. It's kind of like finding out there is a meeting and OH - you're running it. "Hope we scheduled it on a good day and this is how you wanted to do it." Well it created a fire-storm. People got defensive, then offensive, then knee-jerk reactions, and over reactions and in the end the 6 hardest working people available were all offended by the other party and somehow I feel like I'm to blame. I'm not - but even if the pie has 16 million pieces and only one of those is mine, I take responsibility for that one and usually much more.
So I ask you - how on EARTH does one come to delight in persecution??? I ended up getting thrown under the bus - again - in order for others to avoid having to say "I'm sorry - I blew it." I know - in a world where people are TRULY persecuted this is minor but the lesson is there. I feel betrayed in a huge way. It isn't often that I wasn't wrong but this time - I WASN'T WRONG!!! As a matter of fact - not only was I RIGHT I was doing them a favor!!!! And in the end I am to blame because in all honesty - it's OK for the meeting to take place. It was just inappropriate the way it came about. And it still stings.
Here's why I can say I delight in this. I am once again at the feet of my savior begging for His strength and wisdom, His guidance and leading, His grace - because I KNOW it is sufficient and that in this weakness, He is made strong. I like it here - at His feet. I'm safe. I'm loved. I'm right where He wants me.
But I'm not going to say "Bring it!!!" I will, however, "delight in weaknesses, in sults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ( 2 Cor 12:10)
Today I face the offender for the first time since the fire-storm. They know I'm offended. I think they know they handled this poorly. I don't think they know they need to apologize or have a clue they need to admit responsibility. I think I'm going to be greeted with all the reasons why they did what they did and attempts to justify their actions. I DREAD THIS!!!!! Because in my own strength and wisdom I will blow it and NOT handle it well.
But I KNOW my Father says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Here I am today Father - feeling VERY weak and very hesitant. I don't want to go there and I don't want to see this person - but I can't avoid it. Please Father, let YOUR strength shine through. Let this be a testimony to Your strength and leading. Help me to listen, to hear, and to follow you today. And again - help me to just keep my mouth shut and speak only what You would have me say.
In my life Lord, be glorified.
